Confessions of a Not So SuperMom

 

***note: this picture was taken, kind of as a joke, at Chase's superhero birthday party...

Let's set the record straight: although I have heard it said to me, about me, and around me as of late, truth be told: I am NOT a SuperMom. I think people say this mainly because I have four little ones in a culture where more than one child means you have a big family. Also because those four little ones are all under the age of 7. When I walked around with my pregnant belly just a few months ago and then as we welcomed the arrival of Hudson, I felt like I could hear the whispers as I passed. We can almost visually see people's heads bobbing as they count the blonde heads in the shopping cart (my favorite is when they notice the two little ones and while they are oooohhhing and awwwwing over them, the older two pop out from behind us - now that can create a memorable reaction!  "yes. four. yes. all boys.")  Yes, in many ways - we are crazy! Our life is full of noise and action: if not crying there is almost always a small voice pleading for help or requesting a snack or demanding a toy from one of their brothers. There is lots of rough play, lots of commands being repeated, and always activity around us... It is a really "unique" stage of life, shall we say. Although there is much craziness, I like to refer to it as "sweet craziness". I am happy. I am exhausted, yes, but my heart is oh so full!

I have heard several women say to me that they just can't imagine how I have the time to bake a cake or to watch my kids at soccer practice.  Like seriously people?  I will confess I am not the definition of "organization" and having four kids has definitely been an adjustment, but we haven't stopped living life, we just live it a little crazier :)  Oh, I have heard it all...

"How do you do it?" 

"I admire you."  

"If I were you I would be laid up in my home and wouldn't ever venture out."  

"You are always so calm and patient."

"There is always a smile on your face" 

OOPS! I only wish my patience lasted longer, my voice was always calm and encouraging, that my directions were always clear and concise and consistent, and that the punishment always fit the crime. I wish that when I start out my day, praying for the right heart and attitude towards all the day has to offer, that I could remain in good standing at least through the breakfast hour. I wish my kids always obeyed "the first time" and that harshness never escaped my lips. I am confessing the obvious here: there is an incongruence between what I want people to see and how I can be behind closed doors. I wish it weren't so, and I have been reflecting on this truth lately. How great would it be if I always lived up to the positive image I want others to see in me as a Mom. Don't my kids always deserve the calm and patience-filled treatment that they most regularly get if we have company or if we are out in public. 

If I truly was a SuperMom, here are some things that wouldn't need to be confessed:

~ loud noise absolutely rattles me - I don't know why but I just can't hack it - the tv too loud, the banging of plates or forks at the table (apparently a prerequisite to being a boy!), shaking the stool in rhythm to brushing your teeth, ....ya - you get it?

~ I don't get down on their eye level enough and gently explain my expectation...sadly, it seems way too easy to raise my voice from the other room.

~ I am not the greatest at using my limited but available time well...which leaves me scrambling when things really do need to get done...for example: why don't I pack up the diaper bag the night before? why don't I put the folded laundry away before the big boys get home from school? why don't I sleep when the baby sleeps (ha,ha,ha! - that one is stated with tongue in cheek)

~ I am a horrible judge of time - often thinking I can bake a cake or get something else done before we are supposed to be heading out the door, which then leaves all the other things - like finding Pierce's missing shoe (for the umpteenth time), making sure Hudson's tummy is topped off since we will for sure get stuck in traffic, or putting a few snacks together for the kids - unfinished ahead of time, simply adding to the already existent chaos of getting 4 kids in their car seats :)

~ I can lose my sense of perspective, forget how to "pick my battles" and I can be a little reactionary to the wrong battles - until I step back and wonder who can throw the bigger tantrum in the moment - me or the kid?  I mean, in the big scheme of things, is it that big of a deal that they are brushing their teeth walking down the hall instead of in front of the sink?or that they have "forgotten" again to stay at the table when eating a snack? Perspective, Care, perspective!

~ I don't always model very well the behavior I am trying to instill in my kids - especially regarding neatness - as gently pointed out to me by my oldest ("so why do we need to have our clothes picked up off of the floor if there are clothes on the floor in your bedroom?" ouch.)

~ I can be a little rigid on certain rules (how much tv per day, Wii only on the wiikends, etc..) and sometimes forget that breaking free every once and a while is not going to doom them to bad habits forever. Grace, Care, grace :)

~ I can be short on patience in hearing "tattling" from my boys and encourage them to "work it out" (but sometimes I wonder if that is a pretty way of making it seem like they need to solve their own problems when really it is just an excuse for me to shoo them away)

~ I.....okay, okay - enough already -  I think I am making my case here, right?!?!

And let me clarify, I am not sitting here looking for a bunch of complimentary comments - I am simply being real.  I know I am a good Mom.  Sometimes even a great one.  I try to be intentional, creative, fun, loving, graceful, and supportive. But I also can be pretty rotten and that's just the truth. Someone joked with me once about how I portray our household on this blog...that we must be so perfect that we don't ever even lose our keys around here. HA!  It was said in jest, but I thought it was ironic that that was the chosen example as we are known to actually lose a lot of things.

So bottom line: nope, no SuperMom here.  No cape in public.  No cape at home (heck, I count it a blessing if I can be showered and dressed by noon these days). Just me reflecting on how far I have to go. Thank God that each day holds new beginnings.  Thank God that kids are forgiving.  Thank God that we are all on this journey together.  And in all honesty, I will confess this too: I don't even want to be a SuperMom.  To me, that is the wrong picture.  And more than likely, I wouldn't ever remember where I last put my cape.